Sante Kimes is a Midwestern mother and widow who robbed rich and poor with equal enthusiasm. Her 30 year nationwide spree of grifting, slavery and — allegedly — murder culminated last spring with the disappearance of Kimes's landlady, the eccentric millionairess Irene Silverman, who had recently deeded her New York town house to Kimes.

Sante fascinates me because she managed to claw her way into the monied class from hardscrabble roots the old-fashioned way — without a shred of human decency. She even drafted her reluctant son, Kenneth Jr., as her partner in crime. Such coldness of heart, however loathsome, excites my envy. Being a writer/drifter on the lam from dull careerism, many's the time a bit of grift would have made the going easier for me. But I don't have the steel: Hear my heart pound as I consider driving off from the self-serve gas station without paying! See my palms sweat as I withhold a tip at the diner! Clearly I'm not in Sante's class. A nihilist in a Wal-Mart wig, she's made of the stuff of empire.

Her downfall, as I see it, was that the rules of empire changed. Look at how Sante smuggled in poor Mexican women to be her maids, imprisoned them in her house and burned them with irons while withholding their pay. That's just not how NAFTA was written. It occurs to me — as I once again pass on stealing a motel towel — that a chat between Sante and Kathie Lee Gifford, who is more au courant on labor policy, would illuminate the rift between old and new world empires nicely:

Sante: Kathie, do we actually have to pay the help?

Kathie: Well, yes, Sante. But not much.

Sante: But we can still punish them by burning them with irons, can't we? Branding is traditional.

Kathie: Things have changed, Sante. We brand clothes now, not people. And we absolutely do not hurt them. In fact, we have armed guards to keep them from hurting themselves!

Sante: Interesting. Listen: Do you think I have enough name recognition as a killer-of-the-rich to start my own clothing line, like yours?

Kathie: Killing the rich is over, Sante. People like Irene Silverman now. Irene was Paris, Camembert, Brie! You're Vegas, Velveeta, American slice! Don't you see the problem?

Sante: Yes! I do now! It's image!

Kathie: Right! Now: First, you should give your maids $300 and apologize; that's what I did for the workers in my sweatshops. Next, maybe a daytime talk show? Your son can co-star; family values are huge. Then push your clothing line. Let's see — Sante Kimes's Rio Grande Swimwear — for the immigrant maid on the move. Fast drying: Go right from the river to the kitchen! That's the key touch. It shows you care.

Sante: But I can't do that, Kathie! I don't care. I don't! I can forge an I.D., I can disguise myself in cheap wigs, I can con a mark. But caring is one thing I can't fake.

Poor Sante. Sincerity is something that hardscrabble nihilists can no longer afford, no matter how many millionaires they kill.

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WHO IS: Scot Crawford writer/drifter/construction supervisor

 Related Links:

(1) Kimes and Silverman
New York Daily News Online
Dragon Lady Has Grift of Gab
by Juan Gonzalez

(2a) New York Daily News Online
From: News and Views | Crime File | Friday, December 10, 1999
Grifter Son Called Mom's Puppet
By Barbara Ross and Alice McQuillan

(2b) TIME: Trail Of The Grifters
August 10, 1998 Vol. 152 NO. 6
Mother and Son Team

(3) The Nation Selected Editorial
Kathie Lee's Slip
"As befits our celebrity-obsessed culture, it has taken an embarrassing flap involving Kathie Lee Gifford — the perky co-host of the syndicated morning show Live With Regis and Kathie Lee and sponsor of an apparel line bearing her name at Wal-Marts across the country — to draw the mainstream media's attention to a growing international scandal for which U.S. companies are mostly responsible: the proliferation of modern-day sweatshops.

"On April 29, Charles Kernaghan of the New York-based National Labor Committee (N.L.C.), the watchdog group that led a national campaign in 1995 against the Gap's use of sweatshops, testified before Congress that Kathie Lee garments, which earned Wal-Mart $300 million in sales last year (and her, $9 million), were produced by teenage girls working in abysmal conditions in a Honduran sweatshop called Global Fashion. There, as in much of Latin America, Kernaghan explained, girls as young as 13 work fifteen-hour shifts under armed guard, receiving 31 cents an hour to produce clothing sold under a label that promises that 'a portion of proceeds from the sale of this garment will be donated to various Children's Charities.' "

AND:
Governor Pataki Signs Legislation to Crack Down on Sweatshops July 2, 1996 Kathie Lee Gifford Helped Build Momentum for Effort to... http://www.state.ny.us/governor/press/july2.html

YET:
New labor charges vs. Kathie Lee Gifford in Dec 97:
http://www.nando.net/newsroom/ntn/biz/120597/biz6_7544_body.html