WHO IS: Artist Neke Carson writes satires regularly for Night Magazine

MINI-TERRORIST THREAT HAS INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY SPOOKED!
by Neke Carson

The Armed Services Committee has recently learned from the CIA of a frightening breakthrough in terrorist weaponry. Thanks to nanotechnology — techniques that enable manufacturers to build tiny, invisible machines from minute particles of matter — the ultimate weapon will soon be available to terrorists worldwide: An atomic bomb the size of an atom!

The new super mini-bomb is a detection nightmare. Due to the infinitesimal scale of these devices, known as "teeny weenies" to weapons system designers, they can easily be hidden in the eyebrows of terrorists and detonated almost at will. Detonation is most commonly achieved by hitting the forehead with the palm of the hand and exclaiming in a loud voice, "Allah is great!" or "I could have had a V8!"

Because the teeny weenie is so easily detonated, even normal eyebrow preening in airport lavatories is causing airport security to overreact. INTERPOL agents are detaining innocent travelers, leading them off in handcuffs and protective head-guards to restricted areas for atomic scanning. Lawsuits are being settled quietly to avoid putting terrorists on their guard.

Government efforts to control the spread of nanonukes have created much controversy. When international intelligence agencies began to catalogue the eyebrows of known terrorists, cries of racial profiling by watchdog groups forced put an end to the the data-gathering effort.

"The injustice isn't what stopped the Feds," said Ken Shalit, a representative of the most vociferous protest group, Eyebrows WithOut Borders (EWOB). "We won only because we convinced them that their plan to shave the eyebrows of thousands of suspected terrorists would result in accidental denotations."

Yet a reliable Pentagon source insists that every plan hatched to control the eyebrow bomb is being foiled by citizens "still living in the age of the visible." By way of example, he cited a new plan by airport security to install tiny vacuum cleaners that can be retro-fitted onto existing airport X-ray machines. "The idea is for people to have their eyebrows vacuumed secretly. They will hardly feel a thing. Yet the ACLU is claiming that the government has no right to clean your body parts without your knowledge. That sort of defeats our whole objective, doesn't it?"

The safety vs. rights conflict "is not going away and just may get bigger in the future," said a White House spokesman. But other administration sources saw cause for cautious optimism: A retired official from NORAD revealed off-the-record that newly developed sub-atomic devices in the shape of caterpillars are now being released in the wilds of Afghanistan. These sub-microscopic devices are designed to seek out terrorists asleep in their tents and defuse bombs in their eyebrows through a process of ingestion. "Right now," he said, "It is our only hope."

Related Links:
(1) Mark Pesce, the co-inventor of VRML (Virtual Reality Modeling Language) on how nanotechnology will change the world as we know it.
http://www.idg.net/crd_nanotechnology_95443.html

An opening discussion on the abuses of nanotechnogoly by the Foresight Institute, whose goal is "to guide emerging technologies to improve the human condition"
http://www.foresight.org/Updates/Update26/Update26.3.html

(2) Eyebrow piercing — the latest way to preen http://bme.freeq.com/pierce/04-eyebrow/bme-pg04.html

(3) The U.S. State Department Annual Terrorism Report — covered by The Center for Defense Analysis
For the source:
Department of State Publication 10687

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