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The New Guidelines

by Neke Carson

In 1994 a clinic for cosmetic surgery opened on a tiny back street in Rio for the expressed purpose of serving some of it's littlest customers ever: the unborn. The dedicated doctors and nurses at this makeshift hospital hold to the concept that our "beauty rights" begin at the moment of conception.

And the closer to making someone beautiful to that moment the better. Why wait until first grade to get a nose job when you can have one before you learn to read the words, "big," or "beak"? And the best thing about it is, you won't remember a thing.

With 3D computer imaging the way it is today, Sonogramscience can not only see what you will look like in ten, twenty years, it can also see exactly what you looked like before you were born.

Dr. Wilkerson, the head surgeon at the Clinic of Unborn Beauty, was able to set up a database of over 200,000 images. By using them as a guide, he could extrapolate whether that tiny bump in the middle a 3 month old fetus's face will eventually grow into a rather large Yasser Arafat -like schnoz, or end up looking like Michael Jackson's nasal button.

Carla, a 25 year old from South Carolina, revealed that once the doctor showed her what her daughter was going to look like using the future imaging program on the computer she agreed to have the corrective surgery right then and there.

The Doctor explains, "All this talk about model designer eggs and genes... well that can still be hit or miss. But I have found that what these parents really want is a better looking version of themselves not some totally other type of what is considered good looking. So that is what I provide."

The procedure takes about a half hour. The new guidelines for such surgery — just issued by the Board of Pre-natal Surgeons — require Band-aids with cartoon animals on them so as to prepare the young ones for the happier days ahead.

Related Links:
(1) Bermant Plastic and Cosmetic Surgery
Nasal deformity in art

(2) An animated history of the discovery of DNA

(3) Facing extinction: The Lebanese nose

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WHO IS: Artist Neke Carson writes satires regularly for Night Magazine

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